Conflicted

I started working on this drawing after watching the ABC Portrait Artist of The Year Competition Season 2 Episode 1 which I am one of the contestants. Leading up to the broadcast of the show and after, I received congratulations, best wishes, and compliments from so many people and I am deeply touched. It feels so strange to be the centre of attention. I felt very emotional after watching the show. With all the regular posting on social media, there've been many "Look at me, look at me, look at me!" moments... and it feels yucky and narcissistic.The irony did not lose on me that I decided to do a self portrait there and then... I took some photos of myself with my hair loose and bare-chested. I see a middle aged man looking conflicted with the decisions he made in his life, and conflicted because of things he knows he needs to do to promote himself for his art practice.